Everything I Learn In Life…
by Jay Winchester
Summary: …I Learn It from the Winchesters. - Very simple statements that you should learn about life, hunting and about our boys! Totally Crack!Fic!
1. Chapter 1

It's seems that my muse is now inspired by the funny side of the Winchester, I love reading about the drama, hurt, sick Boys, but I must have been having the longest author's bloke for that kind of stuff, so I will continue with the fun. Hope to bring a laugh to you who are reading this!

I smile at some of parts of it!

**Disclaimer:** No, I still don't own any of this! But a girl can always dream.

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When someone says a place is haunted, you shouldn't go in

M&M's count as provisions

Rock salt hurts like hell

Planes crash and apparently clowns kill

Scarecrow's are fugly

In almost every episode, one of the following are almost always present: "Dude, Sammy, or SOB"

Hunting demon's comes with perks

Black Sabbath, Motorhead, and Metallica are the greatest hits of 'mullet rock

There are no such things as mandroids

Do not make fun of blind people or little people

"Demons I get. People are crazy"

Driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake-hole

Zeppelin rules!

Rock salt is a spirit repellent

Never buy somebody else's family portrait

When a plane is about to crash and you are on it, scream like hell

George Foreman infomercials are riveting television

If you have to, sacrifice your self for your sibling

If a place is haunted, never bring mature ghost hunters with you

Ghost hunters make good boyfriends

Unicorns are real too, they ride on silver moon beams and shoot rainbows out their a**

The best way to get rid of an immortal person is to bury them alive

You can either (A) Get a tattoo or (B) get an amulet that will stop you from getting possessed

If your dad says to save your sibling...or kill him, then you sell your soul for him

People who claim they see "ghosts" are actually seeing "death echoes"

Shape shifters are not stupid

Bow hunting is an important skill

In rock-paper-scissors, scissors always lose

Put holy water in beer to know if someone is possessed or not

"Cristo" is God in Latin

Santa is evil

You should be afraid of the dark

When a Winchester tells you to Shut up, you do it with a smile on your face or talk your way to hell

Live with rock music or don't live at all

When you flirt with a vampire, have a gun ready

A matching tattoo is hot

When your kid is scare of the thing in his closet, give him a .45

Stay inside the magic circle

Steam showers are awesome

People don't go to psychics for the truth, they go for good news

Never sleep with your peepers open

Always have salt on hand. Low-sodium is for freaks

Always clean the pipes. If you have no pipes, then good for you!

Werewolf + sex = bad

Art history is good for picking up girls

Apple pie is never freaking worth it

No chick flick moments

Constance Welch is a b*tch

Witchcraft tasted like a**

Rabbit always get screwed in a deal

Motels and Inns only have enough water for one person to take a hot shower

What's dead should stay dead

The light at the end of the tunnel is hellfire

Death by car does NOT look cool like in the movies

When you fall into a lake, you come out smelling like a toilet

Never go swimming in a haunted lake

Dean is a jerk and Sam is a b*tch

When you see a crossroad, just keep driving

If they have black eyes, you'd better run bad

When someone being a smart a** just shot them

Big brother always the right one coz he is the older

You can't poke fakers with a stick

Spongebob placemats make good altar cloths

Salt will wash away unless you concrete it in place!

Dean thinks bunnies dieing are sad and it's unfair for the little guy

Saying "Kiss my ass" will protect you from witchcraft

Bow Hunting, knife fighting, and Latin are useful skills

A 1967 Chevy Impala is the perfect ride to use for all those "road trips" with your brother

Chicks dig artists

Being sacrificed is classier than being killed

Nobody messes with the Metallicar

No chick-flick moments

Dean was a goofy looking kid

Don't trust a girl who would trust Shaddy Van Guy over Sammy

Love the Smurfs

Kids are the best

Nobody likes a skeptic

Dean always got the extra cookie

Dean is supposed to be the belligerent one

Crossroad demon is a smart ass


	2. Chapter 2

Part II

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Go in a date with someone if you want to find information

Sam is a harmless innocent young man

People pay a butt load for crap

Insulting a person is a form of art with the Winchesters

When a Winchesters says that your dead when you are asleep, stop breathing

Dean saved Sam, Sam saves Dean

Always trust the guys with the guns

Learn to build shotguns in the sixth grade

Love The Metallicar or die

Trust Winchester for all of your hunting needs

Never say "bloody Mary" 3 times in the mirror

Never let a hot lady in white in your car

Never order pizza in a restaurant because it is just another lame excuse

Take down your Christmas decorations before you get filleted by an angel sent by God.

Obey your dad to get that extra cookie

Be careful when you eat sausage lest you choke to death on it

Never clean chewing gum off the sole of your shoe at the drain

Check the expiry date before you buy tacos

Goofer dust is very important to people that like to sell their souls

Never get violated by a demon tongue

Don't sleep with a werewolf

Vampires just flirt to get what they want

Don't kill any virgin to do a spell

Dude! Dude! Dude!

Soccer is the closest Sam came to becoming a boy

Kids are scary

Local lure sites are ran by guys in trailers with flamingo lawn ornaments

It is okay tip for the pie, even if the waitress is a demon

It's okay to forget the pie if YED takes you to freakin' frontier land, but no other time

Sam has never been unfaithful

If someone wants the last par of shoes you are looking at, and walks behind you to your car for them, just hand over the shoes

If the world does come to an end, the best way to go down is to go down fighting

If you have a rabbit's foot play the scratch offs!

Never let Sam pick the music

Don't look Sam straight in his puppy eye's he'll put you into a trance

Only Dean call's Samuel, Sammy

Salt and paper clips are a must have

Planes are scary

That when trying to escape a Wendigo, run around cussing at it!

Never get an I-pod jack for your car, (especially in a classic car)

Never put wimpy music on your I-pod lest you want it destroyed

The fabric softener teddy bear needs to be hunted down

If you don't look after Dean's car after he is dead, he will haunt your ass

If you are about to die eat as much food as possible

Ruby recycles

Open the door only if the maid has clean towels

Be careful what you wish for

Never douche up Dean's Impala

Never make deals with demons unless it's for a good cause

Because demons are real so are Angels

If you travel with your brother/sister that is the same sex as you, everyone will think that you're gay/lesbian

If you sell your soul, make sure you've got plenty of doggy biscuits for the Hell hound

Faith healers may not be working on behalf of God, they may just have a tamed Reaper

If someone gives you a Christmas wreath made of meadowsweet, throw it away (or give it to someone you don't like)

If you find a lucky rabbits foot, DON'T touch it, pick it up with tongs and burn it!

Sleeping with a weapon under your pillow ISN'T fear, it's precaution

If you are going to have a tattoo, make sure it is of a pentagram

If you like collecting antiques, does that make you gay?

When dealing with a Siren don't kiss it

Teddy Bears are suicidal and nuts

Angels and Hunters are hot!

Self sacrifice is the Winchester way

When your appetite reaches hungry hungry hippos level it's time to consult a hunter before you have to be 'stopped'

Dean is Batman

When someone asks you, "Dude could you be more gay? Don't answer that


End file.
